Is it possible for a woman to be an executive within a company and still have the life at home that she wants? For transparency purposes, I have to admit I don't have any children, but my husband and I are thinking of starting a family in the next year or so and we talk about schedules, who's going to do what.
However, there are many working moms whom I interact with (both personally or professionally) and I typically see a common theme--one aspect of work or home has been sacrificed in order to achieve another goal. So, I'm not sure the answer to the question can ever be "YES."
I guess it comes down to what is most important for the family and how much control is the woman willing to let go of in order to accomplish other goals. Below are a few of the more common "norms" as it relates to family and career:
- The mom is no longer the go-to person:
- Their husbands stay at home with the family and take on the role traditionally done by the woman
- They've hired a nanny or "manny" who spends the majority of the day with the children--you miss a few "firsts" but that's the price
- Someone else is leaving work to take care of a sick child, field trips, etc.
- The level of career success has been redefined:
- They've accepted success may be a director role vs. the corner office because the next step is not possible given their family situation. This is typically tied to travel, inflexible schedules, etc.
- They've accepted success may be a director role vs. the corner office because the next step is not possible given their family situation. This is typically tied to travel, inflexible schedules, etc.
- Top level management didn't come until the kids were grown and out of the house
- The time commitment and schedules were less of a concern once their children were no longer dependent on the parents.
- One parent typically has to adjust their schedules and it most often is the mother--men in similar leadership roles didn't adjust their careers
- Career success is no longer the main goal
- Work is no longer a career but rather a job to get them by in order to spend more time with their kids
Both of my parents worked. I spent my share of time with daycare providers, nannies, and sometimes being picked up late by mom (sometimes wondering if she was really coming). But, when I think back, it was just a way of life, that was the norm for us. We ate dinner together every night as a family, spent the weekends together, etc. Although my mom's title in the corporate world meant something, at the end of the day she was my mom and she still scolded me when I cut my own hair.
You could put the same argument forward for men. To get ahead, men sacrifice time with the family, parenting, etc which often times isn't seen as "negative" as if women does, but to the family it still matters.
I don't think any one situation above is right or wrong, it's what works best for YOUR family. Can a parent have it all--a successful career and be a hands on parent?
If having a career that challenges me, exposes me to smart and interesting people and keeps me engaged is "having it all," well, then yes - a working mother can have that!
The key to success in balancing motherhood and career really starts within yourself. Being upfront with employers, planning your PTO around your kids schedules and being firm with your out-of-work schedule and demands are very critical in this.
True, some companies are more willing than others to make these concessions, but the way I view it, those are the only companies I'd ever consider working for! I would never work for a place that didn't appreciate an employee's family and life outside of work. Never!
A requirement of motherhood is the ability to multi-task, whether or not you have a career. I personally think that my multi-tasking skills have improved since having kids, and they've really benefitted my ability to provide value at work.
Flexibility at home is another requirement. There are times I do have to miss a school event or evening swimming lesson, when the job calls for it. Sometimes, I am on a conference call and they need to be silent for an hour. The kids are learning to handle those situations, and I think in the end, it's a good lesson for them.
They know they're my first priority, and they also know that I need to work to give them the things they need and enjoy... (Not to mention, keep my sanity!)