One of my favorite quotes about fear comes from Sven Goran Eriksson, “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” So often, we get in our own way of achieving what we say we want to achieve. Fear may be paralyzing and will hold you back from accomplishing your goals. Fear breeds hypocrisy; until you fully face your fear and release it, you will not achieve the success you dream of. Fear is a belief system and a voice that speaks to us on a daily basis, even when we’re not consciously aware of it. The interesting thing about fears is that most of them are learned and irrationally based.
Interestingly, some of the clients I work with allow their fear of repercussions such as being fired, not being taken seriously, not being seen as a team player, and being denied opportunities for plum assignments or promotions to stop them from asking for what they need to be productive and performing at their highest levels. I’ve learned both personally and through working as a leadership and personal coach that if you don’t ask for what you want/need, you’re most certainly not going to get it. If you express your request, you improve the chances of getting a “yes” or negotiating more closely for something that will work for all parties involved.
Here are some practical steps to help you fight throughyour fears. With any luck, by facing your fears, you may be able to get some of them to disappear all together!
Step 1 – Identify your fear(s)
In order to fight your fear, you need to know what it is. The better you’re able to understand where it’s coming from, the better your chances at fighting your fear. Whether you’re afraid of failure or success, rejection or repercussion, embarrassment or mistakes, or something else, be aware of your fears. Know what’s at the root cause of what you fear. (Read the story about my client Petra to learn how she went through the process of identifying and addressing her fears).
Step 2 – Face the fear
Recognize your fear and confront it head-on. Identify the payoff of your inaction and not pursuing your goals steadfastly. Also, identify the hardships, obstacles, roadblocks and other excuses in your life. Be aware that people around you may want to keep you where they’re comfortable; they may be afraid for you or for themselves. In addition, hear what you keep telling yourself you need to have or do before you can pursue your goal. Notice where the fear shows up physically in your body—do you get a headache, stiff back, anxiety, memory issues??
After looking at the negative consequences of your fear in each area of life, identify the beliefs that lead to this fear. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with more rational beliefs. For example, if your beliefs are negative self-talk scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts like “I deserve this”; “I can do this”; “I am good enough, smart enough, talented enough…”. Identify your underlying beliefs about what you’re fearing—do you feel you deserve it; do you feel you’re capable, etc.?
Step 3 – Visualize a positive outcome
Define your goal and envision yourself achieving it. Notice what you have in place to support you; who is there with you; where you are. Prepare yourself. Avoid self-sabotaging behaviors. The more you prepare, the more your fears may subside.
Step 4 – Do it anyway
Although you may have backed away from your goals previously, break it down into actionable steps and secure the resources, confidence, and support you need to step forward and through it. Check in to be sure that your goal is actually your own so that it’s not just a matte of rebellion against what someone else wants for you. The best way to reduce your fear in any area is to take action. Action builds confidence, experience and knowledge. Start off with small steps and build up your confidence until the fear is more manageable. Go boldly into taking decisive action. Persist by trying different strategies or approaches to achieving your desired outcome.
Step 5 – Assess without obsessing your results
Fear is your body’s warning siren, and it can go off even when it does not need to sound! Evaluate your fears. Positive thinking alone without taking necessary precautions to minimize risks is not enough. Figure out the messages and warnings your fear is sending to you.
Evaluate your effectiveness in facing your fears and working through them. Recognize where you are and are not sabotaging your relationships, career or life goals. Figure out why you’re sabotaging your goals by talking to people you trust, writing in your journal, and being gently honest with yourself. Just accept your reasons and you’re likely to get a sense of freedom. Make a contingency plan to hedge your risks. Even if your first option fails or gets rejected, you can maintain the status quo with a solid backup plan. If what you’re doing isn’t working, re-evaluate and do something different or do things differently!
Step 6 – Continue steady progress toward facing your fears and fighting through them
“It’s better to tried and failed than not to have tried at all” (apparently a misquote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem about love In Memoriam:27, 1850.) . You gain valuable experience, education, contacts, and self-confidence by working towards your goals and fighting through the fears that can sabotage your success and happiness. Recognize that it’s okay to be scared. Many people are afraid of asking, trying, working hard, pushing themselves, sharing their goals and it really is no big deal, unless you let it get in your way. ReadFeel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. If you don’t have time to find the book, then just make it your motto. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway will help you overcome the fears you experience.
Setting and achieving realistic and attainable goals can be scary because it involves change and at least some degree of uncertainty. Facing and fighting your fears may be a lot of work. It takes time, patience, persistence and determination. If you have a goal, but are afraid to commit, force yourself into action by setting deadlines and gaining the support you need to move forward. Sometimes it's easier to do this type of work with someone else, so feel free to ask for help from a trusted friend or a helping professional like a therapist or professionally trained coach.