Welcome to MyPath

One of my favorite quotes about fear comes from Sven Goran Eriksson, “The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” So often, we get in our own way of achieving what we say we want to achieve. Fear may be paralyzing and will hold you back from accomplishing your goals. Fear breeds hypocrisy; until you fully face your fear and release it, you will not achieve the success you dream of. Fear is a belief system and a voice that speaks to us on a daily basis, even when we’re not consciously aware of it. The interesting thing about fears is that most of them are learned and irrationally based.

Interestingly, some of the clients I work with allow their fear of repercussions such as being fired, not being taken seriously, not being seen as a team player, and being denied opportunities for plum assignments or promotions to stop them from asking for what they need to be productive and performing at their highest levels. I’ve learned both personally and through working as a leadership and personal coach that if you don’t ask for what you want/need, you’re most certainly not going to get it. If you express your request, you improve the chances of getting a “yes” or negotiating more closely for something that will work for all parties involved.

Here are some practical steps to help you fight throughyour fears. With any luck, by facing your fears, you may be able to get some of them to disappear all together!

Step 1 – Identify your fear(s)

In order to fight your fear, you need to know what it is. The better you’re able to understand where it’s coming from, the better your chances at fighting your fear. Whether you’re afraid of failure or success, rejection or repercussion, embarrassment or mistakes, or something else, be aware of your fears. Know what’s at the root cause of what you fear. (Read the story about my client Petra to learn how she went through the process of identifying and addressing her fears).

Step 2 – Face the fear

Recognize your fear and confront it head-on. Identify the payoff of your inaction and not pursuing your goals steadfastly. Also, identify the hardships, obstacles, roadblocks and other excuses in your life. Be aware that people around you may want to keep you where they’re comfortable; they may be afraid for you or for themselves. In addition, hear what you keep telling yourself you need to have or do before you can pursue your goal. Notice where the fear shows up physically in your body—do you get a headache, stiff back, anxiety, memory issues??

After looking at the negative consequences of your fear in each area of life, identify the beliefs that lead to this fear. Once you identify the beliefs for each area, refute them if they are irrational, and replace them with more rational beliefs. For example, if your beliefs are negative self-talk scripts, replace them with positive self-affirming scripts like “I deserve this”; “I can do this”; “I am good enough, smart enough, talented enough…”. Identify your underlying beliefs about what you’re fearing—do you feel you deserve it; do you feel you’re capable, etc.?

Step 3 – Visualize a positive outcome

Define your goal and envision yourself achieving it. Notice what you have in place to support you; who is there with you; where you are. Prepare yourself. Avoid self-sabotaging behaviors. The more you prepare, the more your fears may subside.

Step 4 – Do it anyway

Although you may have backed away from your goals previously, break it down into actionable steps and secure the resources, confidence, and support you need to step forward and through it. Check in to be sure that your goal is actually your own so that it’s not just a matte of rebellion against what someone else wants for you. The best way to reduce your fear in any area is to take action. Action builds confidence, experience and knowledge. Start off with small steps and build up your confidence until the fear is more manageable. Go boldly into taking decisive action. Persist by trying different strategies or approaches to achieving your desired outcome.

Step 5 – Assess without obsessing your results

Fear is your body’s warning siren, and it can go off even when it does not need to sound! Evaluate your fears. Positive thinking alone without taking necessary precautions to minimize risks is not enough. Figure out the messages and warnings your fear is sending to you.

Evaluate your effectiveness in facing your fears and working through them. Recognize where you are and are not sabotaging your relationships, career or life goals. Figure out why you’re sabotaging your goals by talking to people you trust, writing in your journal, and being gently honest with yourself. Just accept your reasons and you’re likely to get a sense of freedom. Make a contingency plan to hedge your risks. Even if your first option fails or gets rejected, you can maintain the status quo with a solid backup plan. If what you’re doing isn’t working, re-evaluate and do something different or do things differently!

Step 6 – Continue steady progress toward facing your fears and fighting through them

“It’s better to tried and failed than not to have tried at all” (apparently a misquote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem about love In Memoriam:27, 1850.) . You gain valuable experience, education, contacts, and self-confidence by working towards your goals and fighting through the fears that can sabotage your success and happiness. Recognize that it’s okay to be scared. Many people are afraid of asking, trying, working hard, pushing themselves, sharing their goals and it really is no big deal, unless you let it get in your way. ReadFeel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. If you don’t have time to find the book, then just make it your motto. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway will help you overcome the fears you experience.

Setting and achieving realistic and attainable goals can be scary because it involves change and at least some degree of uncertainty. Facing and fighting your fears may be a lot of work. It takes time, patience, persistence and determination. If you have a goal, but are afraid to commit, force yourself into action by setting deadlines and gaining the support you need to move forward. Sometimes it's easier to do this type of work with someone else, so feel free to ask for help from a trusted friend or a helping professional like a therapist or professionally trained coach.

I have a few clients who absolutely hate their current jobs but feel stuck where they are because they believe that there isn't anything else out there. Unfortunately, few people have the luxury in today's economy to leave a job without having something definite already lined up and the job dissatisfaction rate continues to climb. Having a job you hate is not an easy thing to deal with so here are some ways to make your situation easier to handle:

1. Maintain perspective: Know what’s motivating you to stay at a job you hate; it’s important to know why.  Is your current job the only one in your area that fits your skills? Or do you need it to keep your children fed and clothed? What attracted you to the job in the first place? Does that reason still exist? Whatever the reason, remembering what it is and keeping it at the forefront of your consciousness makes working a difficult job easier. When you do this, you end up working not for the job itself, but for whatever the motivation is behind your being there. The job becomes more than a job— it becomes a way to fulfill whatever desire moved you to take it in the first place.

2. Know what you really want: Often, a terrible job will help you be clearer about what you would want in a better job because you know for sure what you don’t want. Identify the things you desire in your job. It may help to focus on what you don’t like and note the opposite. It may also be helpful to note the things you dream about in your ideal job. For example, are your coworkers too competitive? Then, you may prefer a more team-based environment. Is your boss always second-guessing or changing your decisions? Then perhaps you would like a job where employees are trusted and tasks are truly delegated. Would you prefer a job that requires a lot of problem-solving instead of a set group of tasks? Would you rather work for yourself? Have you always dreamed of teaching for a living? Be sure to create a physical list that contains what you really want in a job. Explore how many of these things you can create in your current job situation or somewhere else in the company.

3. Make a conscious choice: Being in ‘choice’ is very powerful.Therefore after identifying your key motivation for staying at the job you hate, if it’s compelling enough to keep you there, than consciously choose to stay.  If you’re unsure about it, evaluate it further. Maybe you took this job several years ago because you wanted a job close to home beings you had small children and didn’t want to spend an excessive time commuting. Now that the kids are older, is this still important criterion? Or perhaps you took this position because there seemed to be an aggressive career path to a higher level position but it never materialized. Or maybe you realize that you qualify for lots of different jobs of the same type that you're working now, and you realize that a different work environment might make things much more tolerable. Whatever your motivation, consider carefully whether it's enough motivation to stay at the job or if you’d be better off transferring to another department or Division if you’re at a large enough company, or leaving entirely if there aren’t any feasible options within your current work environment.

4. Set weekly goals for yourself: If you really want to leave your job, set weekly goals to help you find the golden opportunity for you. One week you might research the industry, another week you might arrange three informational interviews, send out five resumes or attend a networking event. Having these goals will help you transition to something better. Doing something daily towards a new job will help give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you progressing toward a new job.

5. Re-engage your commitment whenever you feel negatively toward your job: When feelings of frustration, hopelessness, anger, or sadness about your current situation re-surface, review your choice again. Realize that even after you have chosen to stay, there may still be parts of your job that you dislike.  Let go of the negative emotions and re-focus on the positive motivations for staying.  Allow your conscious choice to stay to become the habit and motivator to continue doing a good job and contributing daily.

6. Honor your needs: Allow yourself to acknowledge whatever emotions come up for you. Don't try to hide it inside, or it will just blow out later. If you need to take a walk, or go to the restroom, take a day off, or even write it out in your private journal, do that. Letting things build up until they might explode is never a good idea. And, in the midst of your feelings, reflect back on your motivation for choosing to stay. Control your stress by respecting your needs.

7. Be realistic: If you really hate your job, don't expect to love your job some day soon. Instead, expect that you won't like it. Expect that the things that have frustrated you since the first day will still frustrate you now and will probably continue to do so as long as you stay at the job. If you expect that, the job will never sink below your expectations. However, at this point, you know that you are more than the job. You don't expect all of your satisfaction to come from that, because there are more areas in your life than just that.

8. Enjoy the Perks: Some jobs are terrible, but still have some great perks. Almost every job has at least one good perk such as a good salary, tuition reimbursement, health benefits, gym discounts, stock options, or opportunities to travel. Take advantage of whatever perks are available because even focusing on some of these more positive things may make things easier, at least in the interim until you find something else.

9. Increase your Self-Care: Going into a job you hate will be worse if you get to the office feeling rushed, stressed and frazzled and lack self-care. Set aside some moments of solitude each morning. Develop some positive daily rituals such as treating yourself to a latte, listening to upbeat music, going for a walk outside at lunchtime, getting up early enough to hit the gym before you go to the office, or connecting with friends for fun diversions. Add some humor to your day buy posting a “joke of the day” calendar near your work space. Enjoy an activity regularly that helps you unwind and get rid of tension. Be willing to treat yourself to simple pleasures to help you feel better inside. By focusing on you, your well-being, health and happiness your present situation will be more tolerable.

10. Maintain your job performance. Although you’re dissatisfied at work, it’s important to continue to do your work and do it well. Hating your job doesn't mean you can't learn new skills or be a good performer at work. Use your time to make yourself a better candidate down the road. If your company offers training courses, take advantage of them. Use downtime to learn something new on your computer. Pick up a management development book and read it (or listen to it) at lunch. Turn your job into an opportunity for self-improvement. Set personal performance goals that you’ll be able to highlight as accomplishments in future job interviews. Be sure to avoid burning any bridges at your company because you are unhappy. Instead, maintain positive relationships and grow your network.


Right now, it might seem like you will be stuck in this job forever. Keep your chin up and remind yourself that you are in charge of your destiny. Search internal postings for new positions. Start your search for a new job externally. Realize that this too shall pass!