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While it varies in intensity, almost everyone I know feels some degree of guilt at one moment or another. I frequently hear clients express feelings of guilt—especially the professional career women who have young children. Although the men I work with may have similar feelings of guilt and may experience similar circumstances, these feelings are usually expressed differently. For example, Bill expressed anger and frustration at his boss’s scheduling of late day meetings that prevented him from going to his son’s baseball games. Andrew was mad because he couldn’t spend time with his very ill mother due to work and family demands.

Guilt is something that naturally transcends the entire human race because we all have a conscience. We've all probably done things that we later regret. Realize that by itself guilt is neither good nor bad. Guilt is simply a condition. However, it is often masked as a feeling. The danger of using guilt as an emotion is that it masks deeper emotions and doesn’t identify the real problem. Guilt is most frequently associated with remorse, shame or fault. Guilt may also be associated with feelings of responsibility that weren’t handled appropriately.

Guilt is one of the greatest wastes of emotional energy because it may cause you to become immobilized, debilitated or pre-occupied. It may prevent you from taking concrete actions to resolve the negative feelings. Guilt can be destructive and paralyzing. Feelings of guilt can consume you and negatively impact your life and your relationships with others. This is why it is essential that you learn how to get rid of guilt. When you don’t allow logical thinking to supersede and reject the guilt, you may keep beating yourself up for something you did (or didn’t do).

Guilt, on the other hand, may be productive if it causes you to move forward (e.g., contemplating other options or comparing choices) and gets you away from destructive behavior or thoughts. As a result of productive guilt, you may forgive yourself or others, confess, make better choices that are aligned with your values and priorities, and consciously plan activities that allow you to use your time well.

Here’s an exercise that’s helped clients move away from non-productive guilt:

1. Recognize your guilt by taking a close look at why you feel guilty or what you’re feeling guilty about as soon as possible when you start experiencing signs of guilt. Honestly identify what’s causing you guilt so that you can work toward resolving the problem rather than a symptom of the problem before it has a negative impact on your life.

2. Write down or talk about your guilt with a trusted friend, counselor or a professional coach.

3. Do something about what you are feeling guilty about rather than consuming yourself with guilt that is non-productive. If you’ve wronged someone, seek to make amends. Apologize to whomever you have mistreated.

4. Develop a written list of 10 affirmations to support the choices you’ve made, like “I am where I need to be”; “My children are being well cared for in my absence”; “I am spending money wisely and responsibly”.

5. Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes and its part of being human.

Cick here for more resources, information and techniques for handling guilt.

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Clutter is the excess stuff in your life that takes up space on your table and countertops, in your closets, attics, basements, drawers, and filing cabinets, your hard drive, inbox and your to-do list. You expend energy moving it, rearranging it, cleaning around it, re-organizing it, and simply thinking about it. Clutter is a burden on your mind because you know it’s there and oftentimes you speak negatively to yourself because it’s there.

De-cluttering involves simplifying your home and office and surrounding yourself with only the things you love, need and want—eliminate everything else! Make a commitment to start eliminating clutter from your life and you'll see an immediate difference in the way you think and feel. Removing clutter allows for more space in your life, both in time and freedom. De-cluttering is an incredibly freeing experience because you're getting rid of all the things you don't need or want and don't have time for anyway.

Conquering clutter is an ongoing battle for most busy people. With life being so busy, piles accumulate, files seem to multiply, toys are overflowing from the toy box, and clothes are bursting from drawers and closets. Here are a few ideas to help you start eliminating clutter:

·   Sort through what you have and divide it into categories or piles.

·   Go through your (electronic and paper) files and discard old memos, reports, and articles that you've been saving “just in case.”

·   Make it a habit (for you and everyone else) to always put things back where they belong.

·   Do not bring junk mail into your home or office; get removed from as many mailing lists as possible. (Note: you can contact the American Direct Marketing Association, www.dmaconsumers.org/offmailinglist.html, to have them remove you from their lists for a nominal fee; you can contact the sender directly; and indicate that you don't want to be included on their mailing lists; or, you can indicate your preference for exclusion from future mailings when ordering a product/service, or filling out a warranty card, or making a donation)

·   Clip out and file the articles from magazines that interest you and recycle or discard the rest of the magazine.

·   Give away or sell unwanted toys and other items you (or your kids) are no longer interested in. (You know what they say about one person's trash being someone else's treasure!)

·   Load up a bag of clothes that don't fit, are out of style, or are just plain unflattering and take them to a local charity, shelter, or rummage sale.

·   Get rid of the little things, like clothes, furniture, and books, and it will be easier to get rid of the bigger things, such as an unfulfilling job or a relationship that really isn't right for you.

·   Assign a home to the things that remain.

·   Use bins, baskets or boxes and labels to store items and make them easily accessible.

·   If it seems like an overwhelming job to de-clutter, break it down into manageable parts. Do a room a day for a few days. Start with a hall closet. Start on the top shelf and do one shelf at a time so if you get interrupted and have to stop, you haven't made too big of a mess. Do a file drawer. Tackle your in-box. Just keep going one step at a time.

·   Once you've eliminated the clutter, prevent more from coming in.

You pay a high price for living with clutter in your life because it makes it hard for you to function at 100%; it keeps you stuck and keeps you busy looking for things rather than getting things done. Creating space contributes to feeling better physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Once you cut clutter you will feel lighter, think more clearly, be more organized and have more energy. You'll feel like there's less on your plate!

Conquer clutter by spending a half-hour to an hour each day for a week (or weekend) just clearing out stuff you no longer want or need. If possible, enlist the help and support of your family and work colleagues in this goal. Start small with one shelf or one closet and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment as you begin creating space in your life. Gain momentum and keep it going by preventing yourself from getting overwhelmed or quitting before you experience the results. Then, move on to the next area until you've gone through every room and space in your home and at work. By eliminating things you no longer need, you will spend remarkably less time looking for things and you will have the opportunity to reach your full potential. By organizing your space you will free up your creative energy and channel it into your work. You cannot be effective when your desk is piled high with papers, when your filing cabinets are hard to manage, and when you cannot find what you need.

One of my favorite techniques for clearing physical clutter is to start with boxes labeled: sell, give away, throw away, recycle/reuse, and keep. Quickly go through a filing cabinet, closet, or drawer and place items in the appropriate boxes. If you're really uncertain and afraid of discarding—create another box labeled with the contents and date. If items are not used within a year from the date indicated, reconsider discarding at that time. It's essential to shift your attitude to "it's okay to throw away" in order to conquer clutter.

   We are sleep deprived as a Nation! When I polled a recent audience during a presentation about “Taming Stress in your Over-committed Life”, less than 60% indicated that they get 7-8 hours of sleep each evening. The remaining 40% reported getting significantly less!  One woman admitted to 2-3 hours of sleep each night on average.

So, what’s wrong with us?  Why don’t we get the sleep we need?Many people argue that they don’t need as much sleep as others.  Some defend their sleep patterns with the excuse of being “too busy”.

Here are some good sleep habits, I’ve adapted from a presentation I delivered for CIGNA Behavioral Healthcare that received rave reviews.  Incorporate them into your life as soon as possible!

• Avoid caffeine within 6–8 hours of bedtime.

• Avoid nicotine close to bedtime or during the night.

• Refrain from using the bedroom for any activities other than sleep and sex.

• Don’t drink alcoholic beverages within 2–4 hours before bedtime.  It may relax you and help you fall asleep but will result in a poorer quality of sleep, and more nighttime waking.

• Abstain from eating large meals or greasy, spicy, or gas-producing foods too close to bedtime.  Select a light snack composed mainly of carbohydrates instead if you’re hungry because it can help promote more sound sleep.

• Exercise regularly but don’t do it within 2 hours before bedtime.

• Minimize light, noise, and extremes in temperature in the bedroom.

• Establish relaxing pre-sleep rituals, such as a warm bath, reading, imagery, repetitious techniques (e.g., deep breathing, counting sheep), or progressive relaxation.

• If you are unable to fall asleep within 15–20 minutes after lights out, leave the bedroom and do a non-stimulating activity such as those above.

• Awaken at about the same time daily – a regular rising time is even more important than a regular bedtime.  In other words, don’t sleep in just because you can.

• Go to bed only when you are sleepy – again, bedtime is less important than rising time.

• Avoid napping late in the afternoon or evening.  If you choose to nap, do so early in the afternoon and limit it to 30 minutes or so.

• Choose a time during the day to think about your worries or concerns and make plans for handling them, so that you can avoid dwelling on them in bed.

• Sleeping pills are intended as a last resort and for short-term use only.  Sleeping pills have many side effects, and can cause drowsiness into the next day.  Their long-term use can actually lead to “rebound insomnia.”  If you have been using sleeping pills for more than a few months, consult with your doctor about how to stop them.

Here’s to a better night’s sleep!  Getting adequate sleep will help you function at your best by enhancing productivity, performance and your attitude towards life.

I have studied work-life balance for well over a decade and conclude that the key reason why there’s still a gap for employers, business owners, and employees despite millions being spent in programs is because these opportunities are mostly all externally-focused. Thus, work-life balance as we’ve known for years has been primarily focused on programs, services, benefits, and the like while neglecting that true balance is internally-driven. The symptoms often associated with unbalance include overwhelm, burnout, stress and other mental, physiological and emotional issues. Yet the programs, although helpful, don’t fully address the problem.

Balance is derived from a sense of harmony, peace and alignment. One who works 90 hours a week could actually be more balanced than someone who doesn’t even work at all. Balance is about knowing what you’re doing and why you’re doing it and feeling that sense of control over your life. When you’ve usurped power of your life to someone or something, it’s that powerlessness that causes feeling of imbalance.

Some of the more popular programs including childcare, elder care, concierge services, health and wellness benefits, flextime, telecommuting, and job share help ease the burden of working long hours while managing a life outside work. They also allow for working longer hours. Yet true work-life balance is about being aligned, making the right choices for you.

The typical work-life program offerings help create more time and sanity. However, time spent unwisely is still time lost; time that can never be recaptured! Unlike other resources, time is not a renewable resource. Therefore, it’s highly important to recognize what’s most important in all aspects of your life and realign around those things. Be crystal clear about your values, integrity, needs, purpose and priorities.

Remember the old adage…it’s not about working harder, but working smarter. In this case, think more broadly, work is a part of your life that serves a specific purpose, so LIVE SMARTER, not harder! Make wise choices aligned with what matters most to you!