Welcome to MyPath

Stress can be lethal if not brought under control. It can affect your health, well-being, relationships and employment.

Many people miss the signs when there's too much on their plate.  However, there are a number of indicators and symptoms you should recognize so that you may remain calmer and more focused at completing the task-at-hand while increasing your performance and productivity.  Be aware of high stress, anxiety, frustration, irritability, depression, or inflexibility.  Notice when you become impatient with others and respond rudely. If you find yourself making an increasing number of foolish mistakes or bad decisions, pause and shift your energy so that you alleviate negative consequences.

Recognize what you can and cannot control in your life. Let go of what you absolutely have no control over and concentrate on what you can control or at least influence or negotiate.  You can regain control in many situations by simply:

·      Rethinking the ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’, and ‘coulds’

·      Acknowledging your reality and current situation

·      Accepting your abilities and limitations. Leveraging/maximizing your strengths.

·      Having a positive can-do attitude

·      Minimizing stressors

Some stress cannot be totally eliminated and is actually effective to helping you be at the top of your game.  However,many different behaviors and attitudes help better cope with stress. My personal favorites include exercising, smiling/laughing, taking things in stride/going with the flow, breathing through difficulties (too help slow things down and stay in the moment while consciously choosing how I want to respond rather than just reacting), planning ahead and creating contingencies in case things go as unanticipated.

Other effective behaviors for coping with stress so that you can increase your productivity and contentment include:

·      Defining your limits (having realistic standards and limits)

·      Slowing down (stop hurrying)

·      Learning to deal with anger

·      Using meditation/yoga

·      Avoiding catastrophic thinking

·      Listening to calming music

·      Using imagery or daydreaming

·      Knowing your natural rhythm of when you’reat your best.

·      Scheduling your day so that you have structure

·      Paying attention to noise levels and minimizing

·      Using pent up energy wisely

·      Taking time for yourself

·      Getting off adrenaline/avoiding procrastination

·      Regrouping after stressful periods

·      Eliminating worry (87% of what we worry about never occurs or is out of our control anyway)

·      Learning to say “no”

Reduce your stress and improve your productivity!  For more stress tips, subscribe to my free bi-weekly e-newsletter at www.theprioritypro.com.

While it varies in intensity, almost everyone I know feels some degree of guilt at one moment or another. I frequently hear clients express feelings of guilt—especially the professional career women who have young children. Although the men I work with may have similar feelings of guilt and may experience similar circumstances, these feelings are usually expressed differently. For example, Bill expressed anger and frustration at his boss’s scheduling of late day meetings that prevented him from going to his son’s baseball games. Andrew was mad because he couldn’t spend time with his very ill mother due to work and family demands.

Guilt is something that naturally transcends the entire human race because we all have a conscience. We've all probably done things that we later regret. Realize that by itself guilt is neither good nor bad. Guilt is simply a condition. However, it is often masked as a feeling. The danger of using guilt as an emotion is that it masks deeper emotions and doesn’t identify the real problem. Guilt is most frequently associated with remorse, shame or fault. Guilt may also be associated with feelings of responsibility that weren’t handled appropriately.

Guilt is one of the greatest wastes of emotional energy because it may cause you to become immobilized, debilitated or pre-occupied. It may prevent you from taking concrete actions to resolve the negative feelings. Guilt can be destructive and paralyzing. Feelings of guilt can consume you and negatively impact your life and your relationships with others. This is why it is essential that you learn how to get rid of guilt. When you don’t allow logical thinking to supersede and reject the guilt, you may keep beating yourself up for something you did (or didn’t do).

Guilt, on the other hand, may be productive if it causes you to move forward (e.g., contemplating other options or comparing choices) and gets you away from destructive behavior or thoughts. As a result of productive guilt, you may forgive yourself or others, confess, make better choices that are aligned with your values and priorities, and consciously plan activities that allow you to use your time well.

Here’s an exercise that’s helped clients move away from non-productive guilt:

1. Recognize your guilt by taking a close look at why you feel guilty or what you’re feeling guilty about as soon as possible when you start experiencing signs of guilt. Honestly identify what’s causing you guilt so that you can work toward resolving the problem rather than a symptom of the problem before it has a negative impact on your life.

2. Write down or talk about your guilt with a trusted friend, counselor or a professional coach.

3. Do something about what you are feeling guilty about rather than consuming yourself with guilt that is non-productive. If you’ve wronged someone, seek to make amends. Apologize to whomever you have mistreated.

4. Develop a written list of 10 affirmations to support the choices you’ve made, like “I am where I need to be”; “My children are being well cared for in my absence”; “I am spending money wisely and responsibly”.

5. Forgive yourself. Remind yourself that everybody makes mistakes and its part of being human.

Cick here for more resources, information and techniques for handling guilt.

Post your guilt confessions or your best strategies for overcoming your guilt by adding your comments below!! You could WIN a FREE coaching session with The Priority Pro!

Have you even been working on a project and suddenly started thinking about another project or task? Before you realize it, you jump over to that other task and then the phone rings and you’re working on something else. Then, someone drops by with a question, you get an email, and you’re now involved with multiple unfinished tasks. Later you realize that you never finished the project you began initially because you were pulled off task. You then begin to question if the task you're working on is what’s most important. Your focus and energy is scattered as you move between multiple tasks.

If this scenario (or something else quite similar) sounds familiar, you’re not alone! However, working in this fashion diminishes your ability to operate at your best. Clarity and focus provide the structure to help you increase your successes.

A client I’m currently working with is a physician who recently opened a private practice. During the last three months of working together she’s been able to limit her stress by reducing her habit of procrastinating and shifting her perspective away from perfection. It wasn’t easy but she was motivated to produce more positive energy and to feel more in control of her life.  She created more realistic standards for herself and delivery of her reports to other doctors without compromising the quality of her patient care. She established a more structured schedule of regular tasks so that she had a set time to accomplish some of the expected routine responsibilities. She’s become more organized and she protects her time from superfluous conversations and over-commitments that pull her away from her goals.  She’s learned to be more fully present and focused!

Like this client, you can learn to manage your work flow and you life more effectively. Having a good coach, consultant, counselor or therapist can be invaluable to help you gain clarity and be more confident in how you’re investing your time and energy. Having accountability to someone else, especially if you’re a sole practitioner, business owner or entrepreneur helps establish structure for sustained success.  As an employee, your priorities are normally driven by the business objectives and how your work ties into that.

Making choices is far easier when you know your priorities.  How do you set and maintain your priorities? Do you know your most important goals? How do you sort out the projects that will provide the greatest payoff? How do you prevent yourself from being pulled off task continually? How do you spend more of your time on the projects and tasks that are your top priorities?

Remember, clarity leads to power. The more clarity you have, the more powerful you feel.  When you have more focus on what matters most, you’re able to spend your time on those tasks and produce better results. 

I have a few clients who absolutely hate their current jobs but feel stuck where they are because they believe that there isn't anything else out there. Unfortunately, few people have the luxury in today's economy to leave a job without having something definite already lined up and the job dissatisfaction rate continues to climb. Having a job you hate is not an easy thing to deal with so here are some ways to make your situation easier to handle:

1. Maintain perspective: Know what’s motivating you to stay at a job you hate; it’s important to know why.  Is your current job the only one in your area that fits your skills? Or do you need it to keep your children fed and clothed? What attracted you to the job in the first place? Does that reason still exist? Whatever the reason, remembering what it is and keeping it at the forefront of your consciousness makes working a difficult job easier. When you do this, you end up working not for the job itself, but for whatever the motivation is behind your being there. The job becomes more than a job— it becomes a way to fulfill whatever desire moved you to take it in the first place.

2. Know what you really want: Often, a terrible job will help you be clearer about what you would want in a better job because you know for sure what you don’t want. Identify the things you desire in your job. It may help to focus on what you don’t like and note the opposite. It may also be helpful to note the things you dream about in your ideal job. For example, are your coworkers too competitive? Then, you may prefer a more team-based environment. Is your boss always second-guessing or changing your decisions? Then perhaps you would like a job where employees are trusted and tasks are truly delegated. Would you prefer a job that requires a lot of problem-solving instead of a set group of tasks? Would you rather work for yourself? Have you always dreamed of teaching for a living? Be sure to create a physical list that contains what you really want in a job. Explore how many of these things you can create in your current job situation or somewhere else in the company.

3. Make a conscious choice: Being in ‘choice’ is very powerful.Therefore after identifying your key motivation for staying at the job you hate, if it’s compelling enough to keep you there, than consciously choose to stay.  If you’re unsure about it, evaluate it further. Maybe you took this job several years ago because you wanted a job close to home beings you had small children and didn’t want to spend an excessive time commuting. Now that the kids are older, is this still important criterion? Or perhaps you took this position because there seemed to be an aggressive career path to a higher level position but it never materialized. Or maybe you realize that you qualify for lots of different jobs of the same type that you're working now, and you realize that a different work environment might make things much more tolerable. Whatever your motivation, consider carefully whether it's enough motivation to stay at the job or if you’d be better off transferring to another department or Division if you’re at a large enough company, or leaving entirely if there aren’t any feasible options within your current work environment.

4. Set weekly goals for yourself: If you really want to leave your job, set weekly goals to help you find the golden opportunity for you. One week you might research the industry, another week you might arrange three informational interviews, send out five resumes or attend a networking event. Having these goals will help you transition to something better. Doing something daily towards a new job will help give you a sense of accomplishment and keep you progressing toward a new job.

5. Re-engage your commitment whenever you feel negatively toward your job: When feelings of frustration, hopelessness, anger, or sadness about your current situation re-surface, review your choice again. Realize that even after you have chosen to stay, there may still be parts of your job that you dislike.  Let go of the negative emotions and re-focus on the positive motivations for staying.  Allow your conscious choice to stay to become the habit and motivator to continue doing a good job and contributing daily.

6. Honor your needs: Allow yourself to acknowledge whatever emotions come up for you. Don't try to hide it inside, or it will just blow out later. If you need to take a walk, or go to the restroom, take a day off, or even write it out in your private journal, do that. Letting things build up until they might explode is never a good idea. And, in the midst of your feelings, reflect back on your motivation for choosing to stay. Control your stress by respecting your needs.

7. Be realistic: If you really hate your job, don't expect to love your job some day soon. Instead, expect that you won't like it. Expect that the things that have frustrated you since the first day will still frustrate you now and will probably continue to do so as long as you stay at the job. If you expect that, the job will never sink below your expectations. However, at this point, you know that you are more than the job. You don't expect all of your satisfaction to come from that, because there are more areas in your life than just that.

8. Enjoy the Perks: Some jobs are terrible, but still have some great perks. Almost every job has at least one good perk such as a good salary, tuition reimbursement, health benefits, gym discounts, stock options, or opportunities to travel. Take advantage of whatever perks are available because even focusing on some of these more positive things may make things easier, at least in the interim until you find something else.

9. Increase your Self-Care: Going into a job you hate will be worse if you get to the office feeling rushed, stressed and frazzled and lack self-care. Set aside some moments of solitude each morning. Develop some positive daily rituals such as treating yourself to a latte, listening to upbeat music, going for a walk outside at lunchtime, getting up early enough to hit the gym before you go to the office, or connecting with friends for fun diversions. Add some humor to your day buy posting a “joke of the day” calendar near your work space. Enjoy an activity regularly that helps you unwind and get rid of tension. Be willing to treat yourself to simple pleasures to help you feel better inside. By focusing on you, your well-being, health and happiness your present situation will be more tolerable.

10. Maintain your job performance. Although you’re dissatisfied at work, it’s important to continue to do your work and do it well. Hating your job doesn't mean you can't learn new skills or be a good performer at work. Use your time to make yourself a better candidate down the road. If your company offers training courses, take advantage of them. Use downtime to learn something new on your computer. Pick up a management development book and read it (or listen to it) at lunch. Turn your job into an opportunity for self-improvement. Set personal performance goals that you’ll be able to highlight as accomplishments in future job interviews. Be sure to avoid burning any bridges at your company because you are unhappy. Instead, maintain positive relationships and grow your network.


Right now, it might seem like you will be stuck in this job forever. Keep your chin up and remind yourself that you are in charge of your destiny. Search internal postings for new positions. Start your search for a new job externally. Realize that this too shall pass!  

Picture yourself walking through the buffet line with an abundance of choices to put on your plate. As my audiences have shared during my "There's Too Much on your Plate" program, there are many different ways to fill your plate. Some begin with the end in mind and start with dessert. Others take a little bit of everything so that they can sample whatever's available. While still others fill their plate very carefully ensuring their foods aren't touching and being sure to gather their favorites early in the meal.

How do you fill your plate?

Chances are that however you fill your plate while walking through a buffet line may be the same way you fill your plate with activities, tasks and responsibilities.

There will always be more that you can add to your plate so it's important to pace yourself whether you're eating a meal or managing the day-to-day responsibilities.

This morning I awoke to a beautiful snow fall. As I walked my dog, I delighted in the beauty of the new day and reflected on the year past as well as the year ahead. When we arrived back at home, we trounced around playing in the snow. With that burst of energy and joy I decided to shovel our front walkway.  The snow was light and fluffy so the the task felt rather effortless.  I looked up my long almost 450 feet of driveway and wondered if I could shovel the whole thing. I paced myself by completing a section at a time. When I was about 75% done, my son came out with a shovel and joined me, questioning why I was shoveling when it didn't seem that necessary.  I responded that I was enjoying the fresh air, exercise and feeling of steady accomplishment. In the end, it took about three hours to shovel the entire driveway and walkway. I didn't know what time it was nor how much time had passed. I knew that I didn't have to finish but I could choose to continue if I felt so inclined.

To look at the long driveway, or any large project or goal for that matter, as a whole may seem daunting and unachievable. However, by breaking it down and pacing myself, I enjoyed the feeling of completion.

What can you complete a piece of today to help bring you closer to completing a task?

It's not necessarily all or nothing. Pace yourself and get the momentum going. You may be surprised with the results!!

Worry can be paralyzing--it fills our life with unnecessary stress, anxiety and pressure. Worrying is a widely prevalent emotional problem yet we rarely recognize it and almost never talk about it. It infects our thoughts, our sense of well-being, and even our ability to take action; worry is so much a part of our thinking that we rarely notice when we are doing it, unless others point it out to us.

Pause right now and try to remember what's been on your mind today. What thoughts elevated your heart rate, raised the hair on the back of your neck or broke you out in a sweat? Are you worrying about finding a new job, your low bank account, your kid’s grades in school, your long to-do list, your health issues, or what your neighbors think of your barking dog or over-grown lawn? Whatever it is, let it go! Worrying is an absolute waste of your time and energy because all it really does is increase your stress and anxiety while bringing you down or keeping you stuck in a state of inaction.

Stopping the habitual pattern of worrying may be challenging, so instead focus first on restricting your worrying to that which you can do something about. Here are a few tips to help you limit your time and energy spent worrying:

1. Raise your Awareness
Begin becoming more consciously aware of when you are worrying. When you realize that you are worrying, relax by taking a deep breath in and then let it out slowly.

2. Stay Present
When you realize that you are worrying; ask yourself if what you are worrying about is related to today. For example, if you are worrying about a job, speech, a business meeting or a potential promotion, is that something that is going to happen today? If the answer is no, then do not allow yourself to worry about it. Stay focused in the here and now!

3. Do Something
If what you're worrying about is something that is happening today, then reframe your worry thoughts into planning thoughts so that you move into action. Instead of worried thinking like "I don’t know if I got the job," reframe that into a planning thought: "Is there anything I can do to improve my chances of getting the job?” If the answer is yes, do it. If you have already done everything there is to do, then there is nothing to worry about. Focus on action and next steps!

4. Prepare, Plan & Educate
When you discover yourself worrying about ongoing issues like a chronic health issues, financial challenges or a difficult relationship, replace worrying with planning and educating. Ask yourself powerful questions (e.g., “Is there something I can say or do right now to stop worrying about this?” or “How is worrying improving my situation?”) instead of staying stuck in the worrying rut, research, or seek professional help to improve your situation. Then, of course, follow up your planning with consistent action. Stay in control as much as you can so that you don’t feel powerless!

5. Control what you can
Although we worry about so much that is out of our control, what we can always control are our thoughts, feelings and actions. Understand that you can only control yourself and the choices you make, you cannot control others and you cannot control many situations. Recognize that you are capable and competent and certainly have the power to affect your own life to the extent it is possible to do so.

So, when you’re aware that you cannot control a situation, rather than worrying about it, simply let it go or take concerted steps to control what you can.

Focus on what you can impact and in the words of Bob McFarrin, sing or hum…”Don’t worry…be happy!”

Over time as you take worry off your plate, you’ll likely discover more positive and powerful thoughts filling your mind. The Priority Pro can help you worry less and take more action!

When you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed out STOP!  Take a breather.  Most people tend to push harder to get more done. The result is that they increase their stress and jeopardize the quality of their work or relationships.  So, an approach I use often with my coaching clients and my audiences is to pause, take a slow deep breadth in from the nose and all the way down to the diaphragm and then blow it out your mouth.  This releases pent up energy and allows you to briefly slow things down and reflect on the moment.

Get in the habit of deep breathing so that it comes naturally as a stress-relieving technique and isn't overlooked or forgotten because your just too busy.

Another way of reminding yourself about taking control and feeling less overwhelmed is to use what I call 'anchoring'.  In the center of my palm I hold my energy, confidence, poise, and power and I have this with me all the time.  To reach it, I simply have to close my hand and connect with it!  Usually, I close my eyes too then breathe deeply and emerge ready to tackle what lies ahead of me!  Others use a piece of jewelry or other object they always have with them to help them get grounded.  They focus on this object as a physical reminder to stop and take the time to breathe deeply.

Just STOP and RELAX in the moment...you'll be glad you did! I’ll BLOG another time about how this technique has helped me as a parent. It’s pretty powerful yet simplistic stuff!